Voluntary Athletic Agony

Usually I fast supper on Saturday and breakfast and lunch on Sunday and eat again at 5:00.  That gives me time to get my energy built back up to run Monday morning.  This past Saturday, though, I intended to fast lunch and supper and just breakfast on Sunday because we had lunch at Sonny’s BBQ planned with immediate and extended family.  I didn’t want to fast lunch and supper on Saturday, though.  I wanted to eat.  It wasn’t a direct command from God, so I felt justified in modifying it to a liquid day.  Besides, I had smoothie left from Friday and figured I should use it up.  However, I didn’t just drink smoothie.  I ate a little bit of cheese and crackers too. 

A couple weeks ago I made up 80-calorie snack-size baggies of roasted, unsalted almonds to keep in my purse in case I got hungry and needed a quick snack.  Some of you may remember this picture I put on Facebook.

As I walked into church yesterday morning having had only smoothie for breakfast but plenty of it, I had the thought that I could have one of those bags of almonds.  I countered with, “But I’m not hungry.”  Within SECONDS I felt hunger.  I started to text a friend and tell her that old thoughts were attacking, but God interrupted and told me I needed to talk to Him first, so I went to the altar and prayed.  I told him I knew I didn’t NEED those almonds and asked him to help me resist them.  When I got back to my seat I took them out of my purse and put them in my daughter’s backpack so I’d have to ask her for them.  That would put an extra step in the process of getting to them and extra time for me to think about whether I really needed them or not.  (I just realized they’re still in her backpack 24 hours later!)  I finished texting my friend and told her that I need to honor God whether I have old thoughts or new ones. 

She texted back saying, “Satan has got our old number, doesn’t he?”  I love that imagery!  He sure does have my old number, but I don’t answer that phone anymore!  I actually do have an old phone that I never got rid of when I got my new one a few months ago. 

Once or twice a week I get a call on it, but I don’t answer it.  Actually, I never even hear it ring because I’ve turned the volume all the way down.  In the same way, I need to turn the volume on my old thoughts all the way to silent, like I did yesterday morning.  I don’t answer that cell phone anymore, and I got rid of my home number.  When satan calls that number he should hear, “You have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.” 

I have a new number, literally and figuratively.  The longer I refuse to answer that literal old number and don’t use that phone, the fewer calls I get on it.  So it is with my figurative old number. 

We’re studying through 1 Timothy on Sunday mornings.  Chapter 6 verses 11-12 say, “You, [Michele] belong to God; so run (!) from all these evil things, and follow what is right and good.  Pursue a Godly life, along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness.  Fight the good fight for what we believe.  Hold tightly to the eternal life that God has given you, which you have confessed so well before many witnesses.” 

Our pastor said that the phrase “hold tightly” gives the picture of voluntary athletic agony.  Boy, do I know about voluntary athletic agony!  J  I need to be willing to be in agony if necessary as I fight this good fight, as I was and did yesterday morning when I resisted eating the almonds.  I endure the agony of aching feet and lungs because I know the end result is worth it.  I endure the agony of a stomach and taste buds that are calling for food they don’t need as I deny them what isn’t good for them, or at least not necessary at that time, because I know the end result of obedience to God is worth it. 

Eating Is Sometimes A Bother

We went strawberry picking last week with some friends and family and to a park afterward.  I got Subway on the way to the park and decided to eat mine in the car so my daughter could drive.  I didn’t want a teenager with only her learner’s permit trying to eat while driving!  Also, this would free me up to hold my niece when we got to the park while the others ate.  My cousin’s husband remarked that I wasn’t eating and I told him the story.  He thought it was funny that I wanted to get eating over and done with, like it was a bother.  HA!  What a long way God’s brought me that eating is now sometimes a bother or just a task to do and not something I plan my day around. 

I RAN AGAIN TODAY!!!

I RAN AGAIN TODAY!!!  For the first time in 3 months!  Thank you, Brandice, for coming over and showing me the dynamic stretches to warm up.  They helped.  We ran about 3 sections and walked 1 for 3 miles!  I felt like this when I was running

but I was running! 

It felt good to push my lungs beyond what they've had to do lately.  It felt good to talk with Brandice the whole way and catch up on what's been happening in our lives.  If I had been by myself, I might not have gone the whole distance.  I haven't even walked 3 miles since January.  Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I'M BAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!

:-)

Another Revelation

I felt bloated and hungry at the same time, but stuck it out for well over an hour.  Then I ate ice cream with strawberries.  I didn't think to measure the ice cream; I just scooped some into a bowl then sliced 5 or 6 strawberries to mix in with it.  While I was eating it, my brother texted me and we started having a fun conversation.  Before I knew it I had finished the ice cream, even drinking the last bit that had melted.  I now feel not just bloated but FAT.  L  I decided to go rinse the rest down the drain.  This isn’t the first time I’ve rinsed ice cream down the drain.  Or the second.  Or even the third.  I’m seeing a pattern here.  It’s not a good idea for me to keep ice cream in the house.  When I’m out, I don’t feel a need to get ice cream.  In fact, I honestly can’t remember the last time I had ice cream out.  It’s been YEARS.  The only reason this was here is that my daughter and her friend made fried ice cream last week and this was left over. 

When David sinned with Bathsheba, one thing that led to his downfall is that he was not where he was supposed to be.  He should’ve been at war with his troops.  I should’ve been at work.  It’s now 9:30 at night and I have at least another hour of work to do.  I didn't need that ice cream to ensure my continued survival.  I could've had nothing. 

I want to say, “Live and learn.  Learn from this, brush it off, and move on.”  This is starting to be recurrent, though.  It’s not enough to brush it off and move on.  I don’t know what else I could’ve done differently.  Earlier this evening I did wait and the hungry feeling persisted so I thought it was real.  Maybe it was.  I don’t know what I could’ve had instead.  No, I do.  I could’ve put some thought into it and come up with a better snack than ice cream.  I don’t have a grocery store in my house, but I do have enough things that I could’ve made a better choice. 

I just prayed and asked God to forgive me.  I’m starting over right now.  Not tomorrow morning.  Certainly not next Monday.  Obviously I don’t need to eat anything else tonight.  Tomorrow’s breakfast will be my usual steel-cut oats with homemade yogurt and strawberries. 

The Spirit Is Willing But The Flesh Is Weak

My spirit was certainly willing to walk more than 20 minutes today.  It told me that 20 minutes was hardly worth the time it took to get my niece’s stroller out of the trunk, get her car seat put into it, get her diaper bag and my water, smoothie, keys, and phone gathered, and get going.  We’d hardly begun when it was time to turn around and go back.  It told me I was capable of going farther and longer. 

Yes, I am capable of going farther and longer.  Wouldn't you want to on a beautiful trail like this?

I walked for about 70 minutes on Tuesday.  I sure paid for it later Tuesday and Wednesday, though.  I was in pain and my knee was stiff and thick. 

My flesh reminded me of that and said it wasn’t worth it.  In this instance, 20 minutes was long enough.  Tomorrow I plan to walk another 20 minutes and use the fitness equipment at Freedom Lake Park. 

On the advice of my friend and trainer, Brandice at www.fitnessinfusiononline.com, I’ve doubled up on the fish oil I was only sporadically taking.  Fish oil is good for inflammation. 

Some might say I’m being pruned, but I feel like I’m being cut all the way down to the point that I’m level with the ground.  I’ve been reduced to WALKING for only 20 MINUTES?!  I used to RUN 3.1 miles in 35-40 minutes FIVE DAYS A WEEK!!!  What’s with this new routine??? 

Oh.  There’s pride rearing its ugly head.  Selfish indulgence has been dealt with and only occasionally is an issue.  Now it’s pride’s turn to be conquered. 

Stop Feeling Sorry For Myself

I walked a full 3.4 miles yesterday morning instead of just 1.2 like I’ve been doing.  I make a loop and go past my house at 1.2 miles and it’s so easy to just call it quits right there and say that 1.2 is better than nothing.  This morning it felt good to push beyond that and not even stop at 2.5 the next time I passed my house.  I did the full route. 

On the one hand I’m thankful I can still walk even if I can’t run.  On the other hand, I can’t believe how far back I’ve been pushed – to the point of having to talk myself into just walking the full distance.  I don’t understand the reason for this. 

My friend Dee, who is on her own weight loss journey http://networkedblogs.com/uVBVR left a comment on my previous post.  I was really feeling sorry for myself.  Then I took a break from working and saw her comment.  Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Michele!

Today I plan on walking on the Pinellas Trail and pushing my niece in the stroller while Brianne's in class.  Maybe tomorrow I'll try running again and see if I can go more than 4 steps. 

Gasparilla 2012

Last Saturday was the Gasparilla 5K, but I didn't run it.  I didn't even walk it.  My knee and ankle were hurting too badly and I, again, didn't want to do permanent damage.  It was...not depressing...to be there and not participate.  It was...I can't think of the right word.  I tried to meet up with the Calvary Chapel Running Team, but never found any of them.  Since I wasn't participating in the race, none of my family was there.  Ah, that's what I felt...alone.  All by myself.  I know God was with me, but I felt alone humanly speaking. 

Heading to the 5K start.

                                                                   The 5K starting line.

                                            Sure!  I'll walk behind some military runners!  ;-)

I ended up leaving before the 5K even started.  I was going strawberry picking with my dad.  Since I had no one to watch the race with or for, there was no sense in staying there. 

My dad and I drove to Spivey Farms in Plant City http://www.myspiveyfarms.com/ and picked 40 quarts of strawberries!  Thank You, God, for these times of bonding with my almost 87-yo Daddy! 

For a couple years now, God has been giving me Psalms 46:10 now and then.  "Be still and know that I am God."  It's very hard for me to be still because there's just so much I want to DO!  That verse has been coming up again lately, especially Saturday at Gasparilla.  I've been made to be more still than I want to because of my knee and ankle.  Running Saturday was supposed to be full circle for me.  It was while watching runners come across the finish line of the Gasparilla 15K last year that God put this dream of running in my heart.  I realized there was no physical reason I couldn't run like they were doing.  Now there IS a physical reason and I don't like it.  I trust God, though.  I don't know what He has planned for me by keeping me from running, but I trust that it's for my good.

I'm still walking, icing, stretching, and strengthening.  My plan is to once a week try running again if I've had no pain in my knee or ankle, but that hasn't happened.  In addition to being still and knowing that God is God, this has been helpful:

I don't know how to make it bigger.  It says, "Run when you can, walk when you have to, crawl if you must.  Just never give up."  :-)