Be Still and Know That I Am God

Since Friday’s run when I ran the entire 10K distance, the soles of my feet have been hurting.  I’ve never had this happen before; it just came on all of a sudden.  I’ve been using a wooden roller,

 

standing on ice packs,

and resting my feet.

I cancelled yesterday’s long run and rested instead.  I was going to run the whole course again.  This means that by the time Saturday comes I will have run the entire thing only once.  That makes me wonder if I’ll be able to do it then.  I know I said there’s no shame in walking part of it, but I really don’t want to. 

I was planning to run just 3.1 like usual with my running partner this morning and Thursday but she texted me last night and said she’s going out of town in the morning and can’t run.  I could run on my own but I took that as a sign from God that I need to rest. 

Psalms 46:10 – Be still and know that I am God. 

For a couple years God has been sending me this verse every once in a while.  Yeah, yeah, God, I’m trying to be still and know that You are God, but it’s really hard for a single, homeschooling, working mom to be still.  I’m TRYYYYYIIIIIING!!! 

This is about Me, not you, Michele.  You stand back, be still, and let Me shine. 

Okay, God.  I know You’ll be using my legs and my lungs on Saturday, but I want people to see You, not me. 

We’ll see if I run 3.1 on Thursday.  If God again tells me to rest - to be still and know that He is God - I will.  Then it’ll really be Him showing Himself when I run the race because I will have run the full distance only once and will not have run for 8 days since then.  I won’t feel prepared.  I’ll wonder if I can do it.  I’ll have to depend on God to see me through and be the strength in my legs.  And that’s what He wants.  I could run the race in my own strength.  Many people will.  But then God wouldn’t get the glory.  And He won’t share His glory with anyone.  If I could say I did this race on my own, my whole purpose for running would be lost.  I’m doing this to show what God can do with an obese, middle-aged woman who lets Him have His way. 

Gasparilla 2012

Last Saturday was the Gasparilla 5K, but I didn't run it.  I didn't even walk it.  My knee and ankle were hurting too badly and I, again, didn't want to do permanent damage.  It was...not depressing...to be there and not participate.  It was...I can't think of the right word.  I tried to meet up with the Calvary Chapel Running Team, but never found any of them.  Since I wasn't participating in the race, none of my family was there.  Ah, that's what I felt...alone.  All by myself.  I know God was with me, but I felt alone humanly speaking. 

Heading to the 5K start.

                                                                   The 5K starting line.

                                            Sure!  I'll walk behind some military runners!  ;-)

I ended up leaving before the 5K even started.  I was going strawberry picking with my dad.  Since I had no one to watch the race with or for, there was no sense in staying there. 

My dad and I drove to Spivey Farms in Plant City http://www.myspiveyfarms.com/ and picked 40 quarts of strawberries!  Thank You, God, for these times of bonding with my almost 87-yo Daddy! 

For a couple years now, God has been giving me Psalms 46:10 now and then.  "Be still and know that I am God."  It's very hard for me to be still because there's just so much I want to DO!  That verse has been coming up again lately, especially Saturday at Gasparilla.  I've been made to be more still than I want to because of my knee and ankle.  Running Saturday was supposed to be full circle for me.  It was while watching runners come across the finish line of the Gasparilla 15K last year that God put this dream of running in my heart.  I realized there was no physical reason I couldn't run like they were doing.  Now there IS a physical reason and I don't like it.  I trust God, though.  I don't know what He has planned for me by keeping me from running, but I trust that it's for my good.

I'm still walking, icing, stretching, and strengthening.  My plan is to once a week try running again if I've had no pain in my knee or ankle, but that hasn't happened.  In addition to being still and knowing that God is God, this has been helpful:

I don't know how to make it bigger.  It says, "Run when you can, walk when you have to, crawl if you must.  Just never give up."  :-)

God Is Working

About a month ago, when I was still on the fast, I started getting sharp pain in my knee and ankle when I walked. I tried to just walk through it and sometimes even tried to run through it but could never run more than 3 or 4 steps before I had to stop. I didn't like that! I talked to my trainer about it and started icing the areas a couple times a day and cutting back on activity. That was very hard! Physical activity has become so much a part of my life now that cutting back on it is difficult.

Wow! Did I really just type that???!!!

I took a week off from running and boot camp but kept walking and did some stretching and strengthening exercises. Then I tried running again and had a very good day. I ran all but 1/4 of a mile on a 3.1-mile course! Yay! But I paid for it later that day and for a couple days afterward. I don't usually pay for running. My body is used to it. Sigh. More time off. I went to boot camp and was able to do most of the exercises without modification but while doing mountain climbers on a little bit of a slope in dewy grass, my foot slipped and I went down on my knee. It was only a couple inches that my knee went down before it hit the ground, and it wasn't excruciating pain, but it was enough to make me say "ow" loud enough for everyone to hear. So I'm out of boot camp again this coming Saturday and taking another week off running.

The Gasparilla 5K is March 3, 1-1/2 weeks away, and I don't think I'll be doing it. I went to Tampa last week to get familiar with the course and was able to run 2 miles of it. It is possible to walk it, but that would be a let down for me because I KNOW I'm capable of running 3.1 miles easily. I do (did) it 5 days a week and have done two official races. But I don't want to injure myself permanently. These legs have to last me for the rest of my life. I can register for Gasparilla as late as the morning of, so I haven't counted it out completely yet, but it's very likely that I won't be doing it. That was a very hard mental and emotional judgment to make. It was while observing Gasparilla last year, the first race I ever even attended, that tears were streaming down my face like a faucet had been turned on (and here they come now) as I realized there was no physical reason I couldn't run that distance. I went home and drew up a plan to increase my running distance and accomplished it after 6 months.

***I just had a thought. I began something big (running), did well, and was progressing and learning when BOOM! it's pulled out from under me through no fault of my own. Just like my marriage so many years ago. We started and were going along and progressing (as far as I knew) when BOOM! my Christian husband decided to tell me he was sleeping with other men and didn't even want to try to overcome it. Here's a similar circumstance. God, what are You doing in my life???

Now it looks like my running days may be over after just a short time, like my marriage. I'm taking another week off, doing stretching exercises, continuing to ice my knee (no more ankle pain) a few times a day, and walking. I'll try running again next Wednesday and see how I do. No boot camp this week.

Yesterday I told God I want to run again. He asked me why. I said because it's a picture of my life with Him. Any weight loss or increased fitness is an extra benefit but not why I do it. He was pleased with that, but He didn't assure me that I would run again.

Two of my life verses have been Psalms 46:10, Be still and know that I am God, and John 3:30, He must increase and I must decrease. I saw John 3:30 on Pinterest yesterday. Last night I saw a post with BOTH verses on it. They were framed in yellow and hung on a yellow wall. Yellow is my current favorite color! Can God get any more personal than that?!!!



I don't know why He's allowing this to happen. I haven't been selfish in my running, and I've always given God glory for giving me the ability to do it. I don't think this is a punishment, but I still don't like it and don't understand it. I don't know if He'll ever give running back to me. I hope so, but I have no guarantees.

God knows best.  I'll pray that I'll submit and allow Him to do whatever it is He's doing. I don't know what it is, I don't like it, and I don't understand it. But I trust God.