Emotional Eating?

Tortilla chips came as a side with the soft tacos I had for supper.  I ate a few along with my meal but then got full so I brought the rest home.  I thought I was hungry again a couple hours later, so I started munching them as I checked email, Facebook, and Pinterest.  As I was wrapping that up I realized I was thinking, “Okay, take several of the broken ones so you can get a good mouthful before you start working.” 

That, my friends, is emotional eating. 

That’s not eating to satisfy hunger or to fuel my body. 

I used to say that I didn’t eat emotionally, and I still don’t think I eat in response to anger or sadness or anything like that.  Boredom, yes, or at least used to, but is boredom an emotion?  It might be a stretch to say it is.  I don’t know what emotion I was feeling when I had the above thought, but I know I didn’t NEED those tortilla chips.  I closed the box and put it in the kitchen.  Maybe I’ll have them tomorrow if they’re not stale and if I’m hungry. 

Inspiration?

I saw this on Facebook today.  I think I saw it a few years ago but I wasn't a runner then so it didn't mean what it does today.  With the knee pain I've been having, it means even more than it would otherwise. 

http://www.godvine.com/What-This-Racer-Does-is-the-Most-Inspirational-Thing-You-ll-Ever-See-1169.html

I keep hearing whispers of, "Be still, Michele; be still and know that I am God." 

I'm trying, God!  I'm trying!

God Is Working

About a month ago, when I was still on the fast, I started getting sharp pain in my knee and ankle when I walked. I tried to just walk through it and sometimes even tried to run through it but could never run more than 3 or 4 steps before I had to stop. I didn't like that! I talked to my trainer about it and started icing the areas a couple times a day and cutting back on activity. That was very hard! Physical activity has become so much a part of my life now that cutting back on it is difficult.

Wow! Did I really just type that???!!!

I took a week off from running and boot camp but kept walking and did some stretching and strengthening exercises. Then I tried running again and had a very good day. I ran all but 1/4 of a mile on a 3.1-mile course! Yay! But I paid for it later that day and for a couple days afterward. I don't usually pay for running. My body is used to it. Sigh. More time off. I went to boot camp and was able to do most of the exercises without modification but while doing mountain climbers on a little bit of a slope in dewy grass, my foot slipped and I went down on my knee. It was only a couple inches that my knee went down before it hit the ground, and it wasn't excruciating pain, but it was enough to make me say "ow" loud enough for everyone to hear. So I'm out of boot camp again this coming Saturday and taking another week off running.

The Gasparilla 5K is March 3, 1-1/2 weeks away, and I don't think I'll be doing it. I went to Tampa last week to get familiar with the course and was able to run 2 miles of it. It is possible to walk it, but that would be a let down for me because I KNOW I'm capable of running 3.1 miles easily. I do (did) it 5 days a week and have done two official races. But I don't want to injure myself permanently. These legs have to last me for the rest of my life. I can register for Gasparilla as late as the morning of, so I haven't counted it out completely yet, but it's very likely that I won't be doing it. That was a very hard mental and emotional judgment to make. It was while observing Gasparilla last year, the first race I ever even attended, that tears were streaming down my face like a faucet had been turned on (and here they come now) as I realized there was no physical reason I couldn't run that distance. I went home and drew up a plan to increase my running distance and accomplished it after 6 months.

***I just had a thought. I began something big (running), did well, and was progressing and learning when BOOM! it's pulled out from under me through no fault of my own. Just like my marriage so many years ago. We started and were going along and progressing (as far as I knew) when BOOM! my Christian husband decided to tell me he was sleeping with other men and didn't even want to try to overcome it. Here's a similar circumstance. God, what are You doing in my life???

Now it looks like my running days may be over after just a short time, like my marriage. I'm taking another week off, doing stretching exercises, continuing to ice my knee (no more ankle pain) a few times a day, and walking. I'll try running again next Wednesday and see how I do. No boot camp this week.

Yesterday I told God I want to run again. He asked me why. I said because it's a picture of my life with Him. Any weight loss or increased fitness is an extra benefit but not why I do it. He was pleased with that, but He didn't assure me that I would run again.

Two of my life verses have been Psalms 46:10, Be still and know that I am God, and John 3:30, He must increase and I must decrease. I saw John 3:30 on Pinterest yesterday. Last night I saw a post with BOTH verses on it. They were framed in yellow and hung on a yellow wall. Yellow is my current favorite color! Can God get any more personal than that?!!!



I don't know why He's allowing this to happen. I haven't been selfish in my running, and I've always given God glory for giving me the ability to do it. I don't think this is a punishment, but I still don't like it and don't understand it. I don't know if He'll ever give running back to me. I hope so, but I have no guarantees.

God knows best.  I'll pray that I'll submit and allow Him to do whatever it is He's doing. I don't know what it is, I don't like it, and I don't understand it. But I trust God.

Day 20 - Friday and Saturday

Up 0.8 pounds from yesterday, down 15.2 pounds from the beginning, and down 91.2 pounds from my heaviest weight.  The gain from yesterday is to be expected since I’ve started eating solid food again.  Your digestive tract can hold 5-7 pounds of food, so a little gain is normal. 

I just did 1.2 miles, walking for 3-4 minutes and jogging for 1-1/2. 

I like the salad I made! 

Saturday

First day off the fast.  I met with my trainer this morning at www.fitnessinfusiononline.com We came up with a weekly schedule for me that incorporates more stretching and strength training than I’ve been doing.  I’ve been running 5 days a week and doing boot camp one day a week.  I’m on my church’s running team and we had a clinic this morning to learn some pre and post run exercises, proper technique, nutrition, etc.  We all went to lunch at Panera afterward and I got You Pick Two.  I ordered a small bowl of Sonoma Chicken Stew and half of a Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich.  I had eaten all the stew and a little more than half the sandwich when I realized I was full.  Boom!  Just like that!  It wasn’t enough to take home for later.  I knew that if I kept it in front of me I’d nibble at it and there was no need to do that.  I got up and threw it away.  Yes, I threw away perfectly good food.  Better to have it go to waste than have it go to waist.  J

Since a few days after I started this fast I’ve known that I wanted BBQ when I was done.  I got it for supper today! 

Mmmmmmmm!!!  I ate half the ribs and less than half of the pulled pork and brisket.  I picked at the roll but it was made from white flour and offered me nothing.  My meal came with 4 mini sides.  Brisket chili - L.  Potato salad - K.  Coleslaw - K.  Mac & cheese - K.  I gave them to my mom and dad.  Oh!  Instead of sweet tea, which I used to say I bled, I got half sweet and half unsweet.  Perfect! 

I love being in control of my taste buds instead of them being in control of me!

One of my purposes for doing this fast was to rein in my flesh.  Praise God!  With His help I'm doing that! 

Day 19 - Thursday

Down 0.6 pounds from yesterday, 16 pounds from the beginning, and 92 pounds from my heaviest weight. 

Today is the first of two transition days out of this fast.  The first thing I ate this morning was a strawberry!  Yum!  Then I made fruit salad with a banana, an apple, strawberries, and mangoes.  I mixed it with some homemade yogurt (to replenish good bacteria in my digestive tract) and cinnamon.  Mmmmm!  As soon as Brianne’s done washing dishes I’ll start cutting up my salad so it’ll be ready for lunch.  I also made a cup of hot tea.  Instead of cream I used evaporated skim milk.  I read that on a list of food substitutions I saw on Pinterest.  Yuck!  I poured it out after drinking only half.  My tummy is quite full anyway so…  I’ll compare the label of evaporated regular milk with cream, see how it stacks up, and may try that.  I don’t miss smoothies or veggie puree at all! 

Yesterday I went for a 1.2-mile walk and jogged twice for 30 seconds and once for a shorter time.  Today I’ll try for jogging 1 minute at a time since I’ll have more food (energy) in my body. 

Evaporated regular milk has a better nutrition profile than cream or half & half, but the taste is just so-so.  Maybe I can experiment with combining low and high-fat items to come up with one that tastes good. 

I walk/jogged for a total of 25 minutes doing 1 minute of jogging and 3-4 minutes of walking.  Friday I’ll do longer jogging sections and work my way back up to running a full 3.1 miles.  I’m looking forward to it!

I like salad anyway, and it sure was nice to eat some Thursday.  J  I’ll do that Friday too and until the salad is gone.  I used only one bag of spring mix, not one bag plus one bag of spinach, 4 Roma tomatoes, 1 cucumber, 3 carrots, 2 chicken breasts, and 4 eggs, and it still made a HUGE amount of salad.  I may be eating this into Sunday.  Saturday I’ll have BBQ at this place:    http://www.smknjsbbq.com/

Pulled pork and brisket, but just a little of each.  No sides; just meat.  And ½ sweet tea ½ unsweet.  Mmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 18 - Wednesday

Down 0.8 pounds since yesterday, 15.6 from the beginning, and 91.6 pounds from my heaviest weight. 

I’m in awe of what God has done and is doing in my life.  91.6 pounds.  Do you know what that looks like?  Here are a few examples of women who weigh 90 pounds:

This is what I’ve lost.  This is what I don’t carry around on my body any more.  Whole people.  This is what you can see.  What you can’t see that I don’t carry around anymore is greed and selfishness.  Or at least not to the extent that I used to; God’s still working. 

I’m in awe of God. 

From Made To Crave:

“Let the Holy Spirit speak truth to your brain until it affects your taste buds.” 

“The real reason for grounding ourselves in the truth that we are made for more is ‘so that you may know Him better.’  [Ephesians 1:17]  The more we operate in the truth of who we are and the reality that we were made for more, the closer to God we’ll become.” 

Today is my last liquid day.  Tomorrow I eat fruit salad for breakfast and veggie salad for lunch and supper, but I can add chicken, eggs, cheese, and dressing to it, unlike the first two days of the fast.  I look forward to enjoying God’s gift of food and chewing again!  I pray that I can be disciplined in enjoying and not go overboard. 

Day 17 Tuesday

Down 0.6 pounds from yesterday, 14.8 pounds from the beginning, and 90.8 pounds from my heaviest weight. 

I just heard a sound from the TV that was exactly the sound my tea kettle makes when it whistles.  I wanted to make tea and put cream and honey in it and not care that that would be a shock to my digestive system right now and go against the principles of this fast.  I don’t have any cream in the house, though, and I discovered early in this fast that drinking tea without cream and honey isn’t worth it.  I’d rather do without.  I didn’t have time to think whether I would tell y’all I’d done that or not.  (I would’ve.)  All this happened in less than a second.  The Holy Spirit in me kicked the devil to the curb!  It happened so fast I didn’t have time to fight it in my own strength, and I’m so tired and ready for this to be over that I don’t have much strength to fight anyway.  That was really cool!  Exodus 14:4 - The LORD himself will fight for you.  Just stay calm."

I’ve had two cups of veggie puree this morning and am hungry again, so I poured myself a glass of smoothie.  All through this fast, the smoothies have been what I like better than the puree, but this time when I took a drink I wanted to spit it out.  It wasn’t rotten; I’m just tired of it.  Two more days of this.  Two more days and then I can start chewing again, eating the way God intended but a lot less than I was eating before.  One practical way is that the oatmeal I have every morning that fuels my run can drop from half a cup to 1/3 of a cup. 

Tomorrow's my last liquid day.  Yay!