Wednesday, February 22, 2012

God Is Working

About a month ago, when I was still on the fast, I started getting sharp pain in my knee and ankle when I walked. I tried to just walk through it and sometimes even tried to run through it but could never run more than 3 or 4 steps before I had to stop. I didn't like that! I talked to my trainer about it and started icing the areas a couple times a day and cutting back on activity. That was very hard! Physical activity has become so much a part of my life now that cutting back on it is difficult.

Wow! Did I really just type that???!!! smiley

I took a week off from running and boot camp but kept walking and did some stretching and strengthening exercises. Then I tried running again and had a very good day. I ran all but 1/4 of a mile on a 3.1-mile course! Yay! But I paid for it later that day and for a couple days afterward. sad I don't usually pay for running. My body is used to it. Sigh. More time off. I went to boot camp and was able to do most of the exercises without modification but while doing mountain climbers on a little bit of a slope in dewy grass, my foot slipped and I went down on my knee. It was only a couple inches that my knee went down before it hit the ground, and it wasn't excruciating pain, but it was enough to make me say "ow" loud enough for everyone to hear. So I'm out of boot camp again this coming Saturday and taking another week off running. sad

The Gasparilla 5K is March 3, 1-1/2 weeks away, and I don't think I'll be doing it. crying I went to Tampa last week to get familiar with the course and was able to run 2 miles of it. It is possible to walk it, but that would be a let down for me because I KNOW I'm capable of running 3.1 miles easily. I do (did) it 5 days a week and have done two official races. But I don't want to injure myself permanently. These legs have to last me for the rest of my life. I can register for Gasparilla as late as the morning of, so I haven't counted it out completely yet, but it's very likely that I won't be doing it. That was a very hard mental and emotional judgment to make. It was while observing Gasparilla last year, the first race I ever even attended, that tears were streaming down my face like a faucet had been turned on (and here they come now) as I realized there was no physical reason I couldn't run that distance. I went home and drew up a plan to increase my running distance and accomplished it after 6 months.

***I just had a thought. I began something big (running), did well, and was progressing and learning when BOOM! it's pulled out from under me through no fault of my own. Just like my marriage so many years ago. We started and were going along and progressing (as far as I knew) when BOOM! my Christian husband decided to tell me he was sleeping with other men and didn't even want to try to overcome it. broken heart Here's a similar circumstance. God, what are You doing in my life???

Now it looks like my running days may be over after just a short time, like my marriage. I'm taking another week off, doing stretching exercises, continuing to ice my knee (no more ankle pain) a few times a day, and walking. I'll try running again next Wednesday and see how I do. No boot camp this week.

Yesterday I told God I want to run again. He asked me why. I said because it's a picture of my life with Him. Any weight loss or increased fitness is an extra benefit but not why I do it. He was pleased with that, but He didn't assure me that I would run again.

Two of my life verses have been Psalms 46:10, Be still and know that I am God, and John 3:30, He must increase and I must decrease. I saw John 3:30 on Pinterest yesterday. Last night I saw a post with BOTH verses on it. They were framed in yellow and hung on a yellow wall. Yellow is my current favorite color! Can God get any more personal than that?!!!

Two of my life verses.  And my favorite color right now is yellow!  :-)

I don't know why He's allowing this to happen. I haven't been selfish in my running, and I've always given God glory for giving me the ability to do it. I don't think this is a punishment, but I still don't like it and don't understand it. I don't know if He'll ever give running back to me. I hope so, but I have no guarantees.

God knows best.  I'll pray that I'll submit and allow Him to do whatever it is He's doing. I don't know what it is, I don't like it, and I don't understand it. But I trust God.

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