I ran the 5K on the beach last night, but I didn’t want to. Yes, I did. No, I would’ve been fine if they had canceled it because of the weather. I’m glad I ran it. I had a stinky attitude just before. Let me start at the beginning.
I don’t know if it’s because these races are in the evening after I’ve had a full day (even if that full day included a nap) or what, but I really was not feeling racy (ha!) as we headed up there. I love to run in the rain and it was sprinkling as we drove to the beach. I hoped it would start raining harder because it’s hard rain I like to run in. For some reason I took the route that had us on Gulf Blvd., not the fastest way to get to Clearwater Beach. I was just driving, not thinking. The closer we got the more my feelings bounced back and forth between positive and negative.I felt sluggish and fat but happy to be running again but I hoped they would cancel it but I was happy that there was a good chance I could run in rain but there was also a strong wind coming off the water so it would be blowing into me sideways as I ran out and back, not against me one direction and with me the other, but I was just glad to be running, period, and should quit complaining.
We got there and the race was still scheduled to start. The mist (not even sprinkle) had stopped and the wind was up. I didn’t want to waste the trip, so I paid $10 (didn’t get a shirt this time because it’s the same one for the whole series), and proceeded to warm up. I saw no one I knew who was running, but it was okay. Only my mom went with me and I didn’t even see any spectators I knew, but it was okay this time for some reason.A few weeks ago at this race, I pushed myself by running 7 minutes and walking 2 for a final time of 44:52. Since then I’ve been adding 1 minute per week. When I ran on Tuesday I ran 10 minutes and walked 2, so last night I challenged myself to run 11 and walk 2. I did it! My final time was 43:50, 1 minute and 2 seconds faster than previous!
My negative thoughts were mostly before the start of this race, not while I was racing like they were last time. I sang my “Keep Running” song MANY times, like I always do. I’ve decided that the water station at the halfway/turnaround point doesn’t benefit me. For a 5K, I don’t need to hydrate during the race and it upsets my stomach. So no more getting water there. I don’t drink during runs at home and I don’t need to during official races.After I turned around at the halfway point I noticed that the wind had shifted and instead of coming at me from the side, it was now coming at me straight on. Great. Not only was I running in sand, which absorbed my impacts and didn’t bounce me back so consequently made me run slower, now I was running into the wind so was slowed down even more. Really, Michele? You’re complaining about running on a God-made surface that is better for your knee, the knee that forced you to stop running for MONTHS this past winter and spring??? You’re complaining about a God-sent breeze to cool you off during this race? You’re complaining, period? Philippians 2:14 says to do everything without complaining. Plain and simple.
The running pants I wore last night will be downgraded to sleeping pants. So will the T-shirt. Comfortably loose is one thing; sloppily big is quite another.At one point near the end I saw a woman who was rounder than I am and she was walking with a man. They were having a good time just being with each other and picking up and looking at shells. I said, “Really, God? Look how fat she is and her husband or boyfriend isn’t hideous. How come she gets to have one and I don’t?” Siiiiiiigh. Here we go again. I’ve asked that question countless times for YEARS and gotten no answer. These song lyrics from Building 429 came to mind then:
I won’t keep searching for answers that aren’t here to find
All I know is I’m not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong.
Apparently that question of mine doesn’t have an answer to find, at least not now, and I need to stop searching for it. I need to focus on where I DO belong, which is Heaven, and on what I DO have, a desire and the ability to honor God with my food and activity choices.