My Second Race on the Beach

Today’s post is colorful.  Red words are my negative thoughts and green ones are my positive thoughts.

I ran the 5K on the beach last night, but I didn’t want to.  Yes, I did.  No, I would’ve been fine if they had canceled it because of the weather.  I’m glad I ran it.  I had a stinky attitude just before.  Let me start at the beginning. 

I don’t know if it’s because these races are in the evening after I’ve had a full day (even if that full day included a nap) or what, but I really was not feeling racy (ha!) as we headed up there.  I love to run in the rain and it was sprinkling as we drove to the beach.  I hoped it would start raining harder because it’s hard rain I like to run in.  For some reason I took the route that had us on Gulf Blvd., not the fastest way to get to Clearwater Beach.  I was just driving, not thinking.  The closer we got the more my feelings bounced back and forth between positive and negative. 

I felt sluggish and fat but happy to be running again but I hoped they would cancel it but I was happy that there was a good chance I could run in rain but there was also a strong wind coming off the water so it would be blowing into me sideways as I ran out and back, not against me one direction and with me the other, but I was just glad to be running, period, and should quit complaining. 

We got there and the race was still scheduled to start.  The mist (not even sprinkle) had stopped and the wind was up.  I didn’t want to waste the trip, so I paid $10 (didn’t get a shirt this time because it’s the same one for the whole series), and proceeded to warm up.  I saw no one I knew who was running, but it was okay.  Only my mom went with me and I didn’t even see any spectators I knew, but it was okay this time for some reason. 

A few weeks ago at this race, I pushed myself by running 7 minutes and walking 2 for a final time of 44:52.  Since then I’ve been adding 1 minute per week.  When I ran on Tuesday I ran 10 minutes and walked 2, so last night I challenged myself to run 11 and walk 2.  I did it!  My final time was 43:50, 1 minute and 2 seconds faster than previous!    

My negative thoughts were mostly before the start of this race, not while I was racing like they were last time.  I sang my “Keep Running” song MANY times, like I always do.  I’ve decided that the water station at the halfway/turnaround point doesn’t benefit me.  For a 5K, I don’t need to hydrate during the race and it upsets my stomach.  So no more getting water there.  I don’t drink during runs at home and I don’t need to during official races. 

After I turned around at the halfway point I noticed that the wind had shifted and instead of coming at me from the side, it was now coming at me straight on.  Great.  Not only was I running in sand, which absorbed my impacts and didn’t bounce me back so consequently made me run slower, now I was running into the wind so was slowed down even more.  Really, Michele?  You’re complaining about running on a God-made surface that is better for your knee, the knee that forced you to stop running for MONTHS this past winter and spring???  You’re complaining about a God-sent breeze to cool you off during this race?  You’re complaining, period?  Philippians 2:14 says to do everything without complaining.  Plain and simple. 

The running pants I wore last night will be downgraded to sleeping pants.  So will the T-shirt.  Comfortably loose is one thing; sloppily big is quite another. 

At one point near the end I saw a woman who was rounder than I am and she was walking with a man.  They were having a good time just being with each other and picking up and looking at shells.  I said, “Really, God?  Look how fat she is and her husband or boyfriend isn’t hideous.  How come she gets to have one and I don’t?”  Siiiiiiigh.  Here we go again.  I’ve asked that question countless times for YEARS and gotten no answer.  These song lyrics from Building 429 came to mind then: 

I won’t keep searching for answers that aren’t here to find

All I know is I’m not home yet

This is not where I belong

Take this world and give me Jesus

This is not where I belong. 

Apparently that question of mine doesn’t have an answer to find, at least not now, and I need to stop searching for it.  I need to focus on where I DO belong, which is Heaven, and on what I DO have, a desire and the ability to honor God with my food and activity choices. 

Voluntary Athletic Agony

Usually I fast supper on Saturday and breakfast and lunch on Sunday and eat again at 5:00.  That gives me time to get my energy built back up to run Monday morning.  This past Saturday, though, I intended to fast lunch and supper and just breakfast on Sunday because we had lunch at Sonny’s BBQ planned with immediate and extended family.  I didn’t want to fast lunch and supper on Saturday, though.  I wanted to eat.  It wasn’t a direct command from God, so I felt justified in modifying it to a liquid day.  Besides, I had smoothie left from Friday and figured I should use it up.  However, I didn’t just drink smoothie.  I ate a little bit of cheese and crackers too. 

A couple weeks ago I made up 80-calorie snack-size baggies of roasted, unsalted almonds to keep in my purse in case I got hungry and needed a quick snack.  Some of you may remember this picture I put on Facebook.

As I walked into church yesterday morning having had only smoothie for breakfast but plenty of it, I had the thought that I could have one of those bags of almonds.  I countered with, “But I’m not hungry.”  Within SECONDS I felt hunger.  I started to text a friend and tell her that old thoughts were attacking, but God interrupted and told me I needed to talk to Him first, so I went to the altar and prayed.  I told him I knew I didn’t NEED those almonds and asked him to help me resist them.  When I got back to my seat I took them out of my purse and put them in my daughter’s backpack so I’d have to ask her for them.  That would put an extra step in the process of getting to them and extra time for me to think about whether I really needed them or not.  (I just realized they’re still in her backpack 24 hours later!)  I finished texting my friend and told her that I need to honor God whether I have old thoughts or new ones. 

She texted back saying, “Satan has got our old number, doesn’t he?”  I love that imagery!  He sure does have my old number, but I don’t answer that phone anymore!  I actually do have an old phone that I never got rid of when I got my new one a few months ago. 

Once or twice a week I get a call on it, but I don’t answer it.  Actually, I never even hear it ring because I’ve turned the volume all the way down.  In the same way, I need to turn the volume on my old thoughts all the way to silent, like I did yesterday morning.  I don’t answer that cell phone anymore, and I got rid of my home number.  When satan calls that number he should hear, “You have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.” 

I have a new number, literally and figuratively.  The longer I refuse to answer that literal old number and don’t use that phone, the fewer calls I get on it.  So it is with my figurative old number. 

We’re studying through 1 Timothy on Sunday mornings.  Chapter 6 verses 11-12 say, “You, [Michele] belong to God; so run (!) from all these evil things, and follow what is right and good.  Pursue a Godly life, along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness.  Fight the good fight for what we believe.  Hold tightly to the eternal life that God has given you, which you have confessed so well before many witnesses.” 

Our pastor said that the phrase “hold tightly” gives the picture of voluntary athletic agony.  Boy, do I know about voluntary athletic agony!  J  I need to be willing to be in agony if necessary as I fight this good fight, as I was and did yesterday morning when I resisted eating the almonds.  I endure the agony of aching feet and lungs because I know the end result is worth it.  I endure the agony of a stomach and taste buds that are calling for food they don’t need as I deny them what isn’t good for them, or at least not necessary at that time, because I know the end result of obedience to God is worth it.