Day 13 - Friday

Down 0.2 pounds from yesterday, 12.2 from the beginning, and 88.2 from my highest weight.  This is the same as Wednesday. 

Yesterday was quite a busy day.  I did some work and then made supper for some friends who recently became foster parents to infant twin girls.  I prayed that I would be able to fix the food without tasting any of it and without mindlessly licking my fingers.  I even asked a couple friends to pray that specifically!  Praise God, I didn’t taste or lick! 

I went to a birthday lunch for my nephew and took along some veggie puree.  I also went to a smoothie store and got a smoothie.  On the cup was this saying: 

That’s not true.  Chewing is wonderful, and I look forward to next Thursday when I’ll be able to chew again!  I made sure it had no added sugar, dairy, protein, etc.  It tasted okay but was too sweet.  I was trying to figure out why it was sweeter than what I make at home when it had basically the same ingredients I use.  After some thinking, I realized that I add pumpkin to my smoothies sometimes.  That’s nutrition but not sweetness.  There weren’t any bananas in the store-bought smoothie and I put them in my homemade ones.  I know they’re sweet, but somehow it’s a different sweetness than other fruits.  Anyway, the lunch was at a BBQ restaurant, and BBQ is what I want when I’m off this fast.  More prayer.  It smelled so good when I got out of the car!  I ordered only water, though, and drank my smoothie and puree.  I also was able to feed and play with my niece, which helped distract me from the fact that everyone else was eating. 

Yesterday was set up to be a very difficult day food-wise for me, but it really wasn’t.  Thank you to the friends who were praying specifically, and thank you to all who were praying in general.  That certainly played a big part in how my day went.  Another thing that helped the day go smoothly is that my heart wasn’t divided.  For example, when I got out of the car at the restaurant I knew I wasn’t going to order anything or take a bite off anyone’s plate.  I didn’t have to agonize over what low-cal, low-fat, low-whatever thing to choose from the menu.  I wasn’t going to eat.  Period.  Simple as that.  Honoring God by reining in my flesh was the highest priority.  I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself.  This is more about God gain than weight loss, and I certainly experienced growth in God yesterday! 

Day 6

I really can get by on a lot less food than I normally eat. 

I don’t have to have chocolate every day.  I usually keep Dove dark chocolate on hand but sometimes go a week without having any.  In my Christmas stocking Brianne put a package of fun-size caramel Twix, which I really like, and some Dove.  On a shopping trip I got myself a bar of dark chocolate with bacon just to try.  I had been having one piece a day since Christmas and thought I was being disciplined.  Now I see that I can stretch it out even more than that.  I considered adding powdered cocoa to my fruit smoothies for chocolate taste.  I even checked the ingredient list and there were no milk products, just cocoa.  Fine, right?!  God spoke to me and said it’s really not necessary to add it.  I can do without.  This is a fast to rein in my flesh, not to see how close to the edge I can get without violating the guidelines.   

A fast is a good way to find out what’s wrong in your thinking, like with the chocolate.  I just couldn’t understand why I wasn’t losing weight.  I don’t think the chocolate was the only factor, but it’s what was revealed to me just now.  We’ll see if there are other things.   

I was at a dinner book club with friends this evening.  Of course it was at a restaurant.  I took a container of smoothie and a container of broth. 

One of the other ladies set her piece of chocolate cream pie down in front of me. 

Not directly in front of me like she was offering it, but…it was in front of me.  (It's kind of hard to see the pie, but it's just in front of my silver container with black and blue circles on it. Brianne's not here or I would have her make the picture black and white but leave the pie in color.) The victory is that I wasn’t lusting after the pie.  I looked at it but felt no compulsion to eat it for several reasons:   

1. It wasn’t mine.  That would be extremely rude!
2. I don’t like pie.  If I eat it at all, I eat only the filling because I don’t like the crust.  And in most restaurants whipped cream tastes very “industrial.”  This probably would’ve too. 
3. If I’m going to have chocolate, I’m not going to get it from Piccadilly pie.  It’s going to be quality chocolate that’s worth every calorie!
4. I’m fasting.  Duh!  Eating that pie or anything else right now would be direct disobedience to God and therefore sin.  Eating it another time may not be.  But I’m fasting now. 

So I had a victory tonight.  Thank You, God!  It really wasn’t even that much of a battle.  As soon as I saw it I knew I wasn’t going to eat it.  My mind still went through the thought process, though.  I just realized two things as I read over this entry. 

1.  Today was quite the day for chocolate, huh? 
2. That piece of pie never got eaten.  I don’t know why.  She didn’t even take it home to have later.  It seems as if that pie’s only reason for being was to teach me something. 

Day 2

Here are my thoughts from today:

1. Down 3 pounds in 1 day??? I ate yesterday so how can that be?! I'm not complaining, but...

My friend, trainer, and nutritionist, Brandice Lardner of www.fitnessinfusiononline.com said that when our bodies store carbohydrates, they hold onto a water molecule, so if you stop eating carbs you will see a quick weight loss.

Okay. Makes sense.

2. Usually when I'm hungry and get a growl, it's way over on my left side. I mean WAAAAY on the left side. Like my side. Not my stomach/abdomen. This morning I'm getting a growl right in the middle of my abdomen.

3. Insights from A Hunger for God by John Piper: "The weakness of our hunger for God is not because he is unsavory, but because we keep ourselves stuffed with other things. Perhaps, then, the denial of our stomach's appetite for food might express, or even increase, our soul's appetite for God."

"The issue is not food per se. The issue is anything and everything that is, or can be, a substitute for God."

"The danger of eating is that we fall in love with the gift; the danger of fasting is that we belittle the gift and glory in our willpower."

"The true mortification of our carnal nature is not a simple matter of denial and discipline. It is an internal, spiritual matter of finding more contentment in Christ than in food."

"Faith is a spiritual feasting on Christ with a view to being so satisfied in Him that the power of all other allurements is broken."

4. Hot tea without honey and cream is just not worth drinking. Blech! I'd rather do without.

5. Why am I doing this 20-day fast? Wouldn't one day be fine like I usually do once a week? I had gotten lax and not been diligent about controlling my appetite. I was slowly creeping back to eating whatever I wanted when I wanted it. Not overeating, but definitely letting flesh have its way. That has to stop. This fast is to rein in my flesh and remind it that God is in control.  And no, one day would not be enough right now. 

6.  I took a 1-hour nap this afternoon and then went on a ¾-mile walk instead of my usual 3-mile run.  The weather was beautiful, wasn’t it?!  The distance seemed just right to me.  Not too much and not too little.  I thought I would just automatically run when I got to my starting point, but I didn’t.  I was surprised.  I guess I need this rest.  I had a little bit of pain in my foot so it’s good that I didn’t run. 

7.  Going to start taking a multivitamin. 

8.  I saw some earrings today that I forgot I had.  I saw them more than 20 years ago at Wet 'N Wild in Orlando and thought they were cute.  I haven't worn them probably since before Brianne was born.  Now I don't think they're cute.  God little by little shows me things that I need to get rid of.  These earrings are the latest thing.  I thought maybe one of you might want them, but the paint is chipping off them and the post is bent on one.  Here's the picture: 

8.  Tired of salad.  Well, no more until Feb. 2.  Just water, juice, smoothies, and veggie broth for the next 16 days.  And Jesus.  :-D

9.  "The Motions" by Matthew West just came on the radio.  I don't remember if that was one of the songs that helped me the first time I did this fast or if it came later, when I was training for my first 5K.  Either way, it still inspires me.  The first line is, "This might hurt, it's not safe, but I know I've got to make a change."  Pretty appropriate, huh?

Day 1

Good Sunday morning, friends!

I haven't posted here since the Jingle Bell Run almost six weeks ago.  I've still been running, but there hasn't been much happening to report on.  Until now. 

More than two years ago, when I was doing The Lord's Table Bible study at www.settingcaptivesfree.com I did a 20-day fast that is part of their Phase II.  I loved it!  It was a time of getting rid of much of self physically, emotionally, and spiritually and of getting more of Jesus.  For a few months now I've wanted to do it again but the timing wasn't right.  Now it is.  Today is day 1.  I'm finishing up my fruit salad for breakfast:  apple, orange, banana, peach, and pear tossed with a little orange juice. I'll have it for breakfast tomorrow too with some strawberries.  I forgot to take them out of the freezer and I don't want to put them in the microwave and have them be warm.  For lunch and supper today and tomorrow I'll have a veggie salad with salsa for dressing.  No meat, cheese, creamy dressing, or oily dressing.  Tuesday will start the liquid portion of the fast:  water, juice, smoothies, and veggie broth.  No potatoes or meat in the broth and no dairy, protein, or peanut butter in the smoothies.  That will last for 16 days and the last two will be transition days out eating fruit salad for breakfast and veggie salads for lunch and supper but I can add back in meat, cheese, and dressing. 

I plan to blog every day about how things are going and what God's teaching me.  I expect the usual lessons about denying my flesh, etc.  I want more now, though.  To be honest, I want weight loss.  The last time I did this I lost 17 pounds and gained back 4 (which is to be expected) for a net loss of 13 pounds.  I'd like to do at least that this time.  That's not my primary motivation, but it is a motivation.  My primary motivation is to remind myself that I can live with a lot less food than I've been eating and that it's God who sustains me, not physical food.  I slowly got away from following the eating plan The Lord's Table recommends.  I wasn't overeating like before, just not being diligent.  I was still fasting one day a week most weeks but would occasionally skip fasting just because I wanted to eat.  Flesh was starting to rear its ugly head again.  I know I gained fitness last year by starting to run seriously, completing two 5Ks (!), doing two 8-week sessions of fitness class and now ongoing weekly boot camp with www.fitnessinfusiononline.com.  I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that all that fitness caused muscle gain and consequently less actual weight loss.  I'm glad I'm more fit, but I want weight loss too.  I'm human and a woman, and I want weight loss!  Just being honest.  Hopefully God will change my perspective through this fast so that reason fades into the background and more spiritual reasons arise.  Yes, I see the inconsistency here and I'm admitting it to you. 

I got on the scale this morning and it said __________.  You didn't really think I was going to tell you the actual number, did you?!  :-)  I also measured, but I'm not going to tell you those numbers either.  I will report weight lost every day and a final weight and measurements.  I'll report what God shows me and how I'm feeling physically.  I'll have Brianne take a before picture this afternoon and post it. 

I still have to work this whole time, but I'm going to stop running and stop going to boot camp.  I'll walk some in place of the running, but not 3-3.4 miles like I have been doing. 

I've started printing out the emails I sent out with my last 20-day fast so I could read them and remember what it was like.  I'll do this one by blog instead.  My regular Bible reading is in Luke so I'll share insights from that.  Also, I'm reading A Hunger For God by John Piper again.  If I finish it before the end of this fast, I'll re-read Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst and share insights. 

I would appreciate your prayers for the next three weeks and your encouragement.  You can leave comments on this blog.  I'll be sharing announcements of new posts on Facebook so you can access this blog easily, but I don't want to blow a trumpet announcing the fact that I'm fasting. 

If anyone has a juicer I can borrow for this time, please let me know.  I'd like to give that a try in place of making smoothies in the blender all the time.   

So, picture this afternoon and insights if I have any.  See you then!

Battling The Flesh

The last week or so has been very "light" spiritually. I miss my heavy spiritual days. I feel distant from God and heavy and bloated physically. I've been feeling hungry a lot lately so I've eaten more. Small amounts at a time but probably more overall. I just don't have time in my schedule to plan sit-down meals or meals at all. We have food but not meals. I'm missing sleep, but that's nothing new. I'm looking forward to next week when I'll have some time off from work for the homeschool convention and just in general. SLEEP!  

I remember back when I had the most success with losing weight. It was when I was relentless in denying my flesh. I got tired of that and thought I could loosen up a little. I guess I can't. Yesterday I decided to stretch my denying time to two hours after I first feel hungry. I'm going to read back over old posts, blogs, journal entries, and Bible verses to rekindle the spark I used to have.

I need more of Jesus and less of Michele!

Progress

I was at a potluck for lunch yesterday. I prayed the day before and yesterday morning and even in line that God would help me make good choices and that I'd enjoy the food without feeling either stuffed or deprived. Like I've said in some of my http://swshonline.com/ (Strong Women Surrendered Hearts) posts, the Publix fried chicken that I could have any day of the week, I passed up. Brianne got some but didn't eat all of it so I finished her piece. That was just enough to give me a little of the taste but not enough to bloat me or make me feel like I'd deliberately sinned. I chose about 3 or 4 strawberries (that was MAJOR self-control!), a brownie (the smallest one), some raw veggies and fruit, a few small helpings of casserole-type stuff, etc. I didn't heap one food on top of another, but my plate was full. And I had only one plate, not one for regular food and one for dessert. I ate and was satisfied. Then I started to feel the desire to go back for more. Are you kidding me???!!! I recognized it as a lie straight from hell so I didn't go back, but I also saw how easily I did in years past, for no reason other than the satisfaction of my taste buds. I felt the old pull, but I almost laughed in its face! (And I didn't go back.) I even had sweet tea, but only one cup.

The root of my problem (indulging my flesh) still tries to throw its weight around (interesting choice of words!), but I don't have to obey it. I see how strong it was before, how weak it is now, even if still present, and how much weaker it will become in the future. The more I give my struggle to God and am honest about it, the more He empowers me to say no to what doesn't honor Him.

Today I upped my jogging 10 steps, to +70.  Walk 2 sections and jog 1 section plus 70 steps for 3 miles.  Brandice Lardner of http://www.fitnessinfusiononline.com/ ran with me.  Thanks Brandice!  She said I had good form and a good pace.  Yay me!  We figured that we ran about 1-1/2 miles.  I came home and did the math (should've had Brianne do it ; )) and found out that's pretty much right.  A mile is about 2000 steps so 1/2 a mile is about 1000 steps and 70 extra steps x 12 sections = 840 steps.  Almost 1/2 a mile.  I'm jogging almost half of a 5K!  I'm getting there!

My flesh is a spoiled brat that needs to be told "NO" more often!

Earlier this evening (after 7) I fixed spinach salad for supper.  Spinach leaves, chicken, and hard-boiled egg.  I had two small bowls of it even though today was one of my half-portion days.  Around 8:45 or 9:00 I started getting hungry and wanting more.  I almost got some, rationalizing that it was salad, and very simple salad at that, not my usual salad with about 10 ingredients.  It was GOOD for me, doncha know?  Then I remembered my guideline of waiting 1-1/2 hours after feeling hunger before eating.  This helps me keep my flesh under control and be sure the hunger I'm feeling is really my body calling for fuel.  So I wrote 10:30 on a piece of paper next to where I'm working.  That's when I'll have some more salad.  It's 10:10 now - 20 minutes to go.  I'm not ravenously counting down the minutes, but I do look at the clock occasionally. 

I hope this encourages you that (1) I still battle with my flesh.  I haven't arrived at perfection. (2)  Flesh CAN be brought into submission.  Galatians 5:16 (NLT) - ¹⁶ So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.

10:25 - My eyes see the clock and tell my stomach, "Only 5 more minutes!"  My bratty stomach says, "If I can make her feel exhausted (really, a feeling of complete exhaustion came over me), maybe she'll cut it short by a few minutes!"    HA!  But I'm too smart for them now!  I said 10:30 and 10:30 it shall be! 

10:34  - Been working but getting up now to get a small bowl of salad. 

10:50 - I fixed a bowl of salad.  I measured another one in the set and the bowl holds 16 ounces.  I ate about 2/3 of it,then realized that was plenty.  I'm done.  I'm in charge.  Me and the Holy Spirit in me.  Not my flesh.  Aaaaahhhhh!!!!!  This feels good!  : )