Another Revelation

I felt bloated and hungry at the same time, but stuck it out for well over an hour.  Then I ate ice cream with strawberries.  I didn't think to measure the ice cream; I just scooped some into a bowl then sliced 5 or 6 strawberries to mix in with it.  While I was eating it, my brother texted me and we started having a fun conversation.  Before I knew it I had finished the ice cream, even drinking the last bit that had melted.  I now feel not just bloated but FAT.  L  I decided to go rinse the rest down the drain.  This isn’t the first time I’ve rinsed ice cream down the drain.  Or the second.  Or even the third.  I’m seeing a pattern here.  It’s not a good idea for me to keep ice cream in the house.  When I’m out, I don’t feel a need to get ice cream.  In fact, I honestly can’t remember the last time I had ice cream out.  It’s been YEARS.  The only reason this was here is that my daughter and her friend made fried ice cream last week and this was left over. 

When David sinned with Bathsheba, one thing that led to his downfall is that he was not where he was supposed to be.  He should’ve been at war with his troops.  I should’ve been at work.  It’s now 9:30 at night and I have at least another hour of work to do.  I didn't need that ice cream to ensure my continued survival.  I could've had nothing. 

I want to say, “Live and learn.  Learn from this, brush it off, and move on.”  This is starting to be recurrent, though.  It’s not enough to brush it off and move on.  I don’t know what else I could’ve done differently.  Earlier this evening I did wait and the hungry feeling persisted so I thought it was real.  Maybe it was.  I don’t know what I could’ve had instead.  No, I do.  I could’ve put some thought into it and come up with a better snack than ice cream.  I don’t have a grocery store in my house, but I do have enough things that I could’ve made a better choice. 

I just prayed and asked God to forgive me.  I’m starting over right now.  Not tomorrow morning.  Certainly not next Monday.  Obviously I don’t need to eat anything else tonight.  Tomorrow’s breakfast will be my usual steel-cut oats with homemade yogurt and strawberries. 

Progress

I was at a potluck for lunch yesterday. I prayed the day before and yesterday morning and even in line that God would help me make good choices and that I'd enjoy the food without feeling either stuffed or deprived. Like I've said in some of my http://swshonline.com/ (Strong Women Surrendered Hearts) posts, the Publix fried chicken that I could have any day of the week, I passed up. Brianne got some but didn't eat all of it so I finished her piece. That was just enough to give me a little of the taste but not enough to bloat me or make me feel like I'd deliberately sinned. I chose about 3 or 4 strawberries (that was MAJOR self-control!), a brownie (the smallest one), some raw veggies and fruit, a few small helpings of casserole-type stuff, etc. I didn't heap one food on top of another, but my plate was full. And I had only one plate, not one for regular food and one for dessert. I ate and was satisfied. Then I started to feel the desire to go back for more. Are you kidding me???!!! I recognized it as a lie straight from hell so I didn't go back, but I also saw how easily I did in years past, for no reason other than the satisfaction of my taste buds. I felt the old pull, but I almost laughed in its face! (And I didn't go back.) I even had sweet tea, but only one cup.

The root of my problem (indulging my flesh) still tries to throw its weight around (interesting choice of words!), but I don't have to obey it. I see how strong it was before, how weak it is now, even if still present, and how much weaker it will become in the future. The more I give my struggle to God and am honest about it, the more He empowers me to say no to what doesn't honor Him.

Today I upped my jogging 10 steps, to +70.  Walk 2 sections and jog 1 section plus 70 steps for 3 miles.  Brandice Lardner of http://www.fitnessinfusiononline.com/ ran with me.  Thanks Brandice!  She said I had good form and a good pace.  Yay me!  We figured that we ran about 1-1/2 miles.  I came home and did the math (should've had Brianne do it ; )) and found out that's pretty much right.  A mile is about 2000 steps so 1/2 a mile is about 1000 steps and 70 extra steps x 12 sections = 840 steps.  Almost 1/2 a mile.  I'm jogging almost half of a 5K!  I'm getting there!