Day 10 - Tuesday

Down 0.8 pounds from yesterday and 11 pounds from the beginning. 

I’m halfway done!  At first I felt torn being happy about that.   I thought I shouldn’t be happy to have this time end.  Eating is the way God provided for us to sustain life, though.  It’s meant to be the normal way.  I was just going too far in that direction and needed a course correction.  My course is being corrected and I’m looking forward to getting back to eating in a regular way without letting my taste buds overtake me. 

I walked only 1 mile today, but that’s all I attempted and it was on purpose.  I did 2 last week and was sorry later.  I feel fine now. 

From A Hunger for God by John Piper:

“…fasting is an expression of humility – that is, our sense of desperate, utter dependence on God for what we need.”

Day 6

I really can get by on a lot less food than I normally eat. 

I don’t have to have chocolate every day.  I usually keep Dove dark chocolate on hand but sometimes go a week without having any.  In my Christmas stocking Brianne put a package of fun-size caramel Twix, which I really like, and some Dove.  On a shopping trip I got myself a bar of dark chocolate with bacon just to try.  I had been having one piece a day since Christmas and thought I was being disciplined.  Now I see that I can stretch it out even more than that.  I considered adding powdered cocoa to my fruit smoothies for chocolate taste.  I even checked the ingredient list and there were no milk products, just cocoa.  Fine, right?!  God spoke to me and said it’s really not necessary to add it.  I can do without.  This is a fast to rein in my flesh, not to see how close to the edge I can get without violating the guidelines.   

A fast is a good way to find out what’s wrong in your thinking, like with the chocolate.  I just couldn’t understand why I wasn’t losing weight.  I don’t think the chocolate was the only factor, but it’s what was revealed to me just now.  We’ll see if there are other things.   

I was at a dinner book club with friends this evening.  Of course it was at a restaurant.  I took a container of smoothie and a container of broth. 

One of the other ladies set her piece of chocolate cream pie down in front of me. 

Not directly in front of me like she was offering it, but…it was in front of me.  (It's kind of hard to see the pie, but it's just in front of my silver container with black and blue circles on it. Brianne's not here or I would have her make the picture black and white but leave the pie in color.) The victory is that I wasn’t lusting after the pie.  I looked at it but felt no compulsion to eat it for several reasons:   

1. It wasn’t mine.  That would be extremely rude!
2. I don’t like pie.  If I eat it at all, I eat only the filling because I don’t like the crust.  And in most restaurants whipped cream tastes very “industrial.”  This probably would’ve too. 
3. If I’m going to have chocolate, I’m not going to get it from Piccadilly pie.  It’s going to be quality chocolate that’s worth every calorie!
4. I’m fasting.  Duh!  Eating that pie or anything else right now would be direct disobedience to God and therefore sin.  Eating it another time may not be.  But I’m fasting now. 

So I had a victory tonight.  Thank You, God!  It really wasn’t even that much of a battle.  As soon as I saw it I knew I wasn’t going to eat it.  My mind still went through the thought process, though.  I just realized two things as I read over this entry. 

1.  Today was quite the day for chocolate, huh? 
2. That piece of pie never got eaten.  I don’t know why.  She didn’t even take it home to have later.  It seems as if that pie’s only reason for being was to teach me something. 

Day 2

Here are my thoughts from today:

1. Down 3 pounds in 1 day??? I ate yesterday so how can that be?! I'm not complaining, but...

My friend, trainer, and nutritionist, Brandice Lardner of www.fitnessinfusiononline.com said that when our bodies store carbohydrates, they hold onto a water molecule, so if you stop eating carbs you will see a quick weight loss.

Okay. Makes sense.

2. Usually when I'm hungry and get a growl, it's way over on my left side. I mean WAAAAY on the left side. Like my side. Not my stomach/abdomen. This morning I'm getting a growl right in the middle of my abdomen.

3. Insights from A Hunger for God by John Piper: "The weakness of our hunger for God is not because he is unsavory, but because we keep ourselves stuffed with other things. Perhaps, then, the denial of our stomach's appetite for food might express, or even increase, our soul's appetite for God."

"The issue is not food per se. The issue is anything and everything that is, or can be, a substitute for God."

"The danger of eating is that we fall in love with the gift; the danger of fasting is that we belittle the gift and glory in our willpower."

"The true mortification of our carnal nature is not a simple matter of denial and discipline. It is an internal, spiritual matter of finding more contentment in Christ than in food."

"Faith is a spiritual feasting on Christ with a view to being so satisfied in Him that the power of all other allurements is broken."

4. Hot tea without honey and cream is just not worth drinking. Blech! I'd rather do without.

5. Why am I doing this 20-day fast? Wouldn't one day be fine like I usually do once a week? I had gotten lax and not been diligent about controlling my appetite. I was slowly creeping back to eating whatever I wanted when I wanted it. Not overeating, but definitely letting flesh have its way. That has to stop. This fast is to rein in my flesh and remind it that God is in control.  And no, one day would not be enough right now. 

6.  I took a 1-hour nap this afternoon and then went on a ¾-mile walk instead of my usual 3-mile run.  The weather was beautiful, wasn’t it?!  The distance seemed just right to me.  Not too much and not too little.  I thought I would just automatically run when I got to my starting point, but I didn’t.  I was surprised.  I guess I need this rest.  I had a little bit of pain in my foot so it’s good that I didn’t run. 

7.  Going to start taking a multivitamin. 

8.  I saw some earrings today that I forgot I had.  I saw them more than 20 years ago at Wet 'N Wild in Orlando and thought they were cute.  I haven't worn them probably since before Brianne was born.  Now I don't think they're cute.  God little by little shows me things that I need to get rid of.  These earrings are the latest thing.  I thought maybe one of you might want them, but the paint is chipping off them and the post is bent on one.  Here's the picture: 

8.  Tired of salad.  Well, no more until Feb. 2.  Just water, juice, smoothies, and veggie broth for the next 16 days.  And Jesus.  :-D

9.  "The Motions" by Matthew West just came on the radio.  I don't remember if that was one of the songs that helped me the first time I did this fast or if it came later, when I was training for my first 5K.  Either way, it still inspires me.  The first line is, "This might hurt, it's not safe, but I know I've got to make a change."  Pretty appropriate, huh?

Possibilities and Responsibilities

Normally I don't run on Sundays because I'm fasting, but I wasn't feeling well so I didn't fast today.  I was feeling better by this evening, so I decided to do my run (Notice I don't say walk/jog anymore?  :-)).  I got in half a mile before I saw lightning.  Sigh.  I tried. 

I follow a blog called PriorFatGirl.  Here is an excerpt from the latest post of one of the contributors (actually, the woman in charge of it) to the blog:

"Our server came by just enough to let us know he was still there but not to bombard us with intrusions. When he noticed we were slowing down on our meals, he asked the tempting question surrounding the subject dessert. Would we or wouldn't we? I entertained the thought. I even went so far as to ask for descriptions of heavenly creations and begin the process of elimination deciding which one I wanted in my stomach.

As I looked up at the server, I noticed a monster-sized antique looking door on the wall behind him. A symbol, I'm sure of it. The door represented all I'd hope for, fought for and dreamed of. This door was colorful as if alluding to the promises met on the other side. It also appeared to be a heavy door of which one would need to use all the fight they had to push open. It looked simple yet screamed of strength and power.



The server was calmly waiting to fulfill my dessert dreams but my thought process revolving the door helped me realize my stomach was truly satisfied. I had bread and chickpea spread and honey butter. I had udon noodles with a spicy peanut sauce and chicken and an egg. I was satisfied and did not need dessert. {Trust me, I'll talk plenty in the future of dinners when I decide dessert is the perfect end to an evening.} As the server walked away, I looked up as if my decision had been influenced from above. A wall full of mismatched framed mirrors looked down at me.


I smiled and snapped a photo. Doors and mirrors. An entrance to possibilities and a reminder of responsibility. Out in the real world, healthiness exists. We just have to slow down and take a breath long enough for it to make its presence known to us. Blackbird Cafe gives us the space we need to take a breath long enough for us to slow down in a fast paced world. It is a reminder we can be healthy by looking in the mirror and seeing ourselves making responsible decisions."


Isn't it cool that God showed her that?!  I certainly see Him at work here!