Three Years and Counting

Today is three years since I started The Lord’s Table, the online Bible study that has helped me lose 81 pounds and was the biggest catalyst in changing the way I think about food. 

I had already started losing weight without realizing it.  One day I just became aware of the fact that for a couple months I hadn’t been eating as much food and had lost some weight.  I was clueless as to why I wasn’t eating as much but happy to have the loss, of course!  Later that year, I was boasting to a friend about my self-control in having McDonald’s for breakfast only 2 days out of 3. 

He told me about The Lord’s Table at www.SettingCaptivesFree.com.  I looked at it for a few days, decided to sign up, and the rest is history!  Except that it’s not only history; it was just the beginning and even three years later it’s the present.  I’m not doing that specific study any longer, but the truths about God I learned in that course still figure prominently in my decisions today and will for the rest of my life. 

In a nutshell, I was fat and didn’t want to be but thought it was inevitable and linked to genetics.  Surely the effort I was making should count for something.  Not eating the last bite of a sandwich…once…a month…should result in weight loss.  I’M TRYYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNGGGG!!!!!!

Ahem.  I think that red backpack was full of snacks and drinks in case we got lost in the corn maze. 

No, I wasn’t really trying, I discovered.  Through The Lord’s Table I learned that overeating is sin (which I repented of) and that I hadn’t been trusting God to give me what I need when I need it.  I had been getting it for myself.  Way too much of it (which I also repented of).   I’m typing this blog and eating lunch at the same time.  An hour and 15 minutes ago I had some leftover Smoked Mozzarella Chicken from Olive Garden, but I'm feeling hungry again.  I went to the fridge and got the leftover salad from Olive Garden.  I started to walk back into my office and heard God say, “You don’t need all of that.”  I went back into the kitchen, got a small bowl, and put about a third of the salad into it.  That’s what I’m eating now.  I call this feeling like Gideon.  In Judges 7, Gideon starts out with 32,000 warriors under his command, but God starts whittling his army down until he gets to 300 and then God says He will give Gideon victory over his enemies with just the 300 soldiers. 

Ummm…God?  I had 32,000 calories at my disposal.  [Figuratively, of course.  Stay with me; it’ll make sense in a minute.]  You’re telling me to eat just 300?  How can I possibly sustain myself on just 300 calories???  God answers, “You won’t.  I’ll sustain you.  I’ll cause your enemies to fight among themselves and I’ll give you the victory.”  My enemies, the world’s wisdom when it comes to weight loss, often contradict themselves.  A study comes out claiming that this food is the key to permanent weight loss.  Soon another study comes out debunking the previous one and claiming that this rare supplement found only in a 1-square mile area of the Andes Mountains is the key to permanent weight loss.  You know how it goes.  Situps are the key to a flat tummy!  No, planks are the key to a flat tummy!  No, lift weights so that you build muscle and burn fat even when you’re resting!  Sure, there’s a little bit of truth in all those claims, but do you see how they’re fighting against each other?  Some foods are good for weight loss when they’re substituted in place of another food, planks are fine (I do them regularly), and strength training does build muscle so that I burn fat even when resting.  That’s why men generally lose weight faster than women; they have more muscle that’s constantly burning fat.  Sometimes I start thinking that a new revelation (or an old one packaged in a new way) will be my key, so I start researching it, but then I find contradictory information.  I start researching that and find something that contradicts them both.  It’s ridiculous! 

So how do I make sense of it all?  This past Sunday I re-read one of my favorite weight loss Scriptures, Colossians 2:20-23.  “You have died with Christ and He has set you free from…this world.  So why do you keep on following rules of the world such as, ‘Don’t handle, don’t eat, don’t touch!’  Such rules are mere human teaching…These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, humility, and severe bodily discipline, but they have no effect when it comes to conquering a person’s evil thoughts and desires.”  The world's methods work only on the outside, or rather, only on the body.  God's method gets to the heart of the matter.  "Are you going to trust Me, the One who made you, about what's best for you?  Are you going to obey Me when I tell you to do something?"

So the end of chapter 2 tells us what NOT to do, but are we TO do?  Keep reading in chapter 3.  “…set your sights on the realities of Heaven…let Heaven fill your thoughts.  Don’t think only about things here on Earth.” 

That’s what I did 35 minutes ago when I heard God tell me to eat only part of the salad and I obeyed. 

In the three years since starting The Lord’s Table, I’ve lost 81 pounds. 

I had lost 90 by this past January, but I’ve gained back 9.  I’d like to skip that part and just let you think it’s been all loss with no gains or plateaus but that would be deceiving you.  There have been a couple gains, this 9 pounds being the biggest one, and plenty of plateaus.  It’s been slow going, but that’s okay.  I recently realized why the weight loss has slowed.  For the past 1-1/2 years I’ve been concentrating on fitness, not just weight loss.  I started running (yes, running!) and love it!  You’d think that would help me lose more weight, but actually the days I run I’m VERY hungry.  I don’t overeat or gorge myself, but I do eat more on those days than on nonrunning days.  I’m trying to curb that.  (See Colossians 3:1-3 above.)  I think that if I stopped running I could consistently eat less and possibly lose weight faster, but I don’t want to stop running.  I enjoy it too much to stop!  I enjoy the increased fitness and challenging my body and my mind.  I’m constantly learning new things and tweaking what I do, though, so we’ll see.  I am conscious of the tendency to eat more on running days and am reining it in. 

So, to summarize, three years ago GOD, the past 1095 days GOD, today GOD, and tomorrow GOD. 

Simple as that.

Lows and Highs

I went to a Mandisa concert last night with a friend.

As we stood in line because we got there early, I watched other people arrive.  This concert was promoted as a Girls’ Night Out and I watched group after group of women park and walk over to the line.  My most frequent thought was, “There are a lot of fat women here.”  I soon realized how prideful that thinking is.  I have no basis for pride in what God has done with me the last almost three years, but there it was.  I’m certainly not model material but I was not only noticing the large women, I was secretly glad I didn’t look like them.  Not one of my best moments.  L  No, I don’t look like I used to, but I don’t look the way I’d like to either.  God’s not looking at the outward appearance, though.  He looks at our hearts.  My heart doesn’t run to food like it used to, but it sure ran to pride last night.  What did God see when He looked at my heart before the show?  Not ugly gluttony and self-indulgence but ugly pride.  Just as ugly.  Sin is sin. 

I saw a friend at the concert whom I went to high school with but haven’t seen in probably 20 years because we live in different cities now.  We’ve been friends on Facebook for a few years.  She just happened to have two seats open next to her family so my friend and I moved there.  FRONT ROW! 

Laura Story was also at the concert.  She sings the song “Blessings” and told us the story of how she came to write it.  Her husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor a couple years into their marriage and God wasn’t answering their prayers the way they wanted Him to.  You can find the whole story on YouTube. 

At intermission, they mentioned that the café was selling snacks and that one of those snacks was cream puffs with strawberries and chocolate.  :-DD  After talking to my friend for a few minutes I went to get in line.  I wanted those strawberries and chocolate!  It turned out to be these cream puffs ...

half a strawberry (not a very ripe one)...

And a drizzle of Hershey’s syrup.  I don’t like Hershey’s syrup.  I got it anyway and ate it standing in line for the bathroom.  Then I heard Mandisa on stage so I left the line and almost ran back to my seat! 

I had a fun time watching Mandisa front and center! 

When the show was over and we were walking out I heard God say about the brownie I’d also bought (yeah) that I needed to throw it away as a sacrifice.  I knew I needed to but it was in my purse, there was a huge crowd, and I didn’t see a trash can.  On the drive home I obeyed, put the window down, and threw it out. 
 

So it was a night of lows and highs.  I’ve prayed about my prideful attitude and repented of it.  The brownie cost $1 and I’m sure was from a store mix.  Big whoop.  Obeying God in throwing it out was worth so much more than the benefit I would’ve gotten from eating it. 

In other news, I determined this morning that I WOULD fast supper today and breakfast and lunch tomorrow since I've gotten away from that pattern lately.  Then my mom reminded me that our family had been invited to a birthday party this afternoon.  Sigh.  I asked a friend to pray that I would be self-disciplined.  I did fine and had just water to drink.  When my mom and dad went up to get food my dad brought me the biggest strawberry I'd ever seen, probably 3 inches long!  If you know me at all you know how I am with strawberries!  This one was white on the top and bottom, though, indicating that it wasn't ripe when picked.  My dad went back to the food line and I debated what I should do.  I didn't want to disappoint him by telling him I was fasting and wouldn't eat it, but I didn't want to fail again either.  I ended up biting off the white tip and throwing it in the garbage.  Then I took a bite of the middle of the berry (it probably would've taken me three bites to eat this whole strawberry) but it was bitter.  I made sure my dad wasn't looking and threw it in the garbage.  When I told my praying friend what I'd done she texted back, "Ha, going from sneaking food to eat out to sneaking to throw it away!"  I never thought of it like that.  Yes, I did used to sometimes sneak food or get rid of the evidence of fast food before I got home.  Now I'm sneaking to throw it away and not eat it.  Is there any end to what God can do?!

Day 6

I really can get by on a lot less food than I normally eat. 

I don’t have to have chocolate every day.  I usually keep Dove dark chocolate on hand but sometimes go a week without having any.  In my Christmas stocking Brianne put a package of fun-size caramel Twix, which I really like, and some Dove.  On a shopping trip I got myself a bar of dark chocolate with bacon just to try.  I had been having one piece a day since Christmas and thought I was being disciplined.  Now I see that I can stretch it out even more than that.  I considered adding powdered cocoa to my fruit smoothies for chocolate taste.  I even checked the ingredient list and there were no milk products, just cocoa.  Fine, right?!  God spoke to me and said it’s really not necessary to add it.  I can do without.  This is a fast to rein in my flesh, not to see how close to the edge I can get without violating the guidelines.   

A fast is a good way to find out what’s wrong in your thinking, like with the chocolate.  I just couldn’t understand why I wasn’t losing weight.  I don’t think the chocolate was the only factor, but it’s what was revealed to me just now.  We’ll see if there are other things.   

I was at a dinner book club with friends this evening.  Of course it was at a restaurant.  I took a container of smoothie and a container of broth. 

One of the other ladies set her piece of chocolate cream pie down in front of me. 

Not directly in front of me like she was offering it, but…it was in front of me.  (It's kind of hard to see the pie, but it's just in front of my silver container with black and blue circles on it. Brianne's not here or I would have her make the picture black and white but leave the pie in color.) The victory is that I wasn’t lusting after the pie.  I looked at it but felt no compulsion to eat it for several reasons:   

1. It wasn’t mine.  That would be extremely rude!
2. I don’t like pie.  If I eat it at all, I eat only the filling because I don’t like the crust.  And in most restaurants whipped cream tastes very “industrial.”  This probably would’ve too. 
3. If I’m going to have chocolate, I’m not going to get it from Piccadilly pie.  It’s going to be quality chocolate that’s worth every calorie!
4. I’m fasting.  Duh!  Eating that pie or anything else right now would be direct disobedience to God and therefore sin.  Eating it another time may not be.  But I’m fasting now. 

So I had a victory tonight.  Thank You, God!  It really wasn’t even that much of a battle.  As soon as I saw it I knew I wasn’t going to eat it.  My mind still went through the thought process, though.  I just realized two things as I read over this entry. 

1.  Today was quite the day for chocolate, huh? 
2. That piece of pie never got eaten.  I don’t know why.  She didn’t even take it home to have later.  It seems as if that pie’s only reason for being was to teach me something. 

Lessons In A Wave Pool

I often feel like I'm in a wave pool.  Not a mud pool with yucky, dirty sin overwhelming me but nice, clean parenting, work, homeschooling, housekeeping, ministry, friends, family, LIFE! coming as wave after wave after wave.  I can swim just fine, but..it sure would be nice to just rest in a calm pool.    God doesn't see fit to move me right now, though, apparently.  So here I stay and try to praise God in the waves.  

Brianne and I went to Adventure Island Friday and I wanted to see if God would have anything to say to me in an actual wave pool.  The first time I walked into it I heard, "Just go with it."  Just go with the waves and don't try to fight them.  I remembered part of a passage of scripture, "the unforced rhythms of grace."  It's Matthew 11:28-30 in The Message.   "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Friday was a liquid day and I'd had a smoothie before we left the house and had more of it on the way over.  I planned to eat a regular meal at Adventure Island then smoothie after we got home and the rest of the day.  Of course, I would listen to my body and if I needed more solid food than that one meal since it would be such a physical day, I would have more.  My smoothie consisted of two bananas, milk, cinnamon, a few grapes, and an apple.  The second thing I heard in the waves was, "Don't attempt this on just the milk of the Word."  In other words, don't attempt to be in the thick of the waves of life nourished on only easy-to-swallow liquids.  I could stay in only a few minutes the first time then had to get out and get some solid nourishment in me.  You can't expect to handle big waves unless you've first chewed on something substantial and allowed it to permeate and do its job.      

Those are the lessons I learned in a wave pool.