Day 15 - Sunday

Down 0.8 pounds from yesterday, 13.4 from the beginning, and 89.4 from my heaviest weight. 

Today was an uneventful day for this fast. 

I’m counting down the days until I can eat solid food again.  Wednesday night I’ll make some yogurt to start eating Thursday morning so I can replenish good bacteria in my digestive system.  That day I’ll shop for fruit and veggies to make salads with for the next two days.  I’ll cook up some chicken and eggs to put on the salad (yay!). 

I had a dream last night that I was eating mindlessly.  I was popping some kind of cake-ball things in my mouth and then later I was at a restaurant with Brianne and was drinking Coke like it was going out of style.  The glass I was drinking out of was only about 4 ounces but there was another glass that was probably 20 ounces sitting there too.  I remembered putting my straw into it but I think then it became a 4-oz. glass too.  Weird.  I then realized I was drinking Coke and it turned my stomach.  Not that I don’t like Coke, but if anything I would’ve ordered Dr Pepper.  What turned my stomach is that I was drinking anything carbonated at all.  It was doing nothing good for my body.  I should’ve been drinking water. 

I went for a 1-mile walk yesterday and even ran about 100 steps!  It wasn’t anything like the running I used to do and will get back to next week, but it was something. 

Day 14 - Saturday

Down 0.4 pounds from yesterday, 12.6 from the beginning, and 88.6 from my highest weight. 

I just went for a short walk and ran a little bit of the way (less than 50 steps).  It felt strange.  Now I need to lie down for a little bit. 

Thoughts from Made To Crave:

“I had to see the purpose of my struggle as something more than wearing smaller sizes and getting compliments from others…It had to be about something more than just me.”

“I determined to make God, rather than food, my focus.”

The author asked if there could be any benefits to listening to my cravings rather than trying to silence them.  My answer was that when I crave a particular food I could ask God if it’s because my body needs a certain nutrient or I’m just remembering how good something tasted.  Or do I need something that’s not food? 

Day 13 - Friday

Down 0.2 pounds from yesterday, 12.2 from the beginning, and 88.2 from my highest weight.  This is the same as Wednesday. 

Yesterday was quite a busy day.  I did some work and then made supper for some friends who recently became foster parents to infant twin girls.  I prayed that I would be able to fix the food without tasting any of it and without mindlessly licking my fingers.  I even asked a couple friends to pray that specifically!  Praise God, I didn’t taste or lick! 

I went to a birthday lunch for my nephew and took along some veggie puree.  I also went to a smoothie store and got a smoothie.  On the cup was this saying: 

That’s not true.  Chewing is wonderful, and I look forward to next Thursday when I’ll be able to chew again!  I made sure it had no added sugar, dairy, protein, etc.  It tasted okay but was too sweet.  I was trying to figure out why it was sweeter than what I make at home when it had basically the same ingredients I use.  After some thinking, I realized that I add pumpkin to my smoothies sometimes.  That’s nutrition but not sweetness.  There weren’t any bananas in the store-bought smoothie and I put them in my homemade ones.  I know they’re sweet, but somehow it’s a different sweetness than other fruits.  Anyway, the lunch was at a BBQ restaurant, and BBQ is what I want when I’m off this fast.  More prayer.  It smelled so good when I got out of the car!  I ordered only water, though, and drank my smoothie and puree.  I also was able to feed and play with my niece, which helped distract me from the fact that everyone else was eating. 

Yesterday was set up to be a very difficult day food-wise for me, but it really wasn’t.  Thank you to the friends who were praying specifically, and thank you to all who were praying in general.  That certainly played a big part in how my day went.  Another thing that helped the day go smoothly is that my heart wasn’t divided.  For example, when I got out of the car at the restaurant I knew I wasn’t going to order anything or take a bite off anyone’s plate.  I didn’t have to agonize over what low-cal, low-fat, low-whatever thing to choose from the menu.  I wasn’t going to eat.  Period.  Simple as that.  Honoring God by reining in my flesh was the highest priority.  I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself.  This is more about God gain than weight loss, and I certainly experienced growth in God yesterday! 

Day 12 - Thursday

Up 0.2 pounds from yesterday, down 12 pounds from the beginning, and down 88 pounds from my highest weight.  That gain is just normal fluctuation.  I didn’t overeat overdrink. 

I finished reading A Hunger for God and have started Made to Crave for the third time.  I might have to get another copy of it after this!  I’m doing the questions at the end of each chapter and will do the workbook too. 

Thoughts from Made to Crave:

“…my body is not my own and that I need to honor God with the way I choose to treat it.” (a testimony at the beginning of the book)

“Made to Crave is not about weight loss; it is about complete dependence on God.” (another testimony)

“I’m a simple Jesus girl on a journey to finding deeper motivation than just a number on my scale for getting and staying healthy.” (underlining mine)

I identified with the two of the rationalizations listed for not tackling my sin:

I’m good in every other area.

I make so many sacrifices already.

“Read the story of the rich young man in Matthew 19.  ‘Jesus meant this for any of us who wallow in whatever abundance we have.  I imagine Jesus looked straight into this young man’s soul and said, ‘I want you to give up the one thing you crave more than me.  Then come, follow me.’”

“When Jesus says, “Follow me,” it’s not an invitation to drag our divided heart alongside us as we attempt to follow hard after God.”

“Nothing changes until we make the choice to redirect our misguided cravings to the only one capable of satisfying them.”

“It’s about recalibrating our souls so that we want to change – spiritually, physically, and mentally.”

“The very downfall of humanity was caused when [a woman] surrendered to a temptation to eat something she wasn’t supposed to eat.”  Whoa.  That’s serious. 

“I am made to rise up, do battle with my issues and, using the Lord’s strength in me, defeat them – spiritually, physically, and mentally – to the glory of God.”  YES!!!

Those are just things I underlined in the introduction!

“…whatever we’re craving will always depend on whatever we’re consuming.”  [We crave what we eat.  Think about it.  Do you crave poi?  If you grew up in Hawaii you might.  I’ve never been to Hawaii and never eaten poi, so I’ve never craved it.  If you clear things out of your life that offer no real benefit, you’ll eventually lose your taste for them.

Finally, in question one at the end of chapter one, Lysa talks about a commercial a weight loss company had that personified cravings as a little orange monster that followed a woman around all day.  She asked how we would personify our cravings.  A year ago I wrote that for me a craving would be a giant monster whose reach is so vast it really doesn’t even need to move itself.  It just opens its mouth and eats whatever it wants, no questions asked and no thought involved.  It would laugh at me viciously because it knows I have no power over it.  It would be very confident in itself.  Of course, this was all before Jesus changed me.  Now when a craving comes, which is rare, there’s a struggle.  I fight it with prayer, scripture, activity, and setting a time 1-1/2 hours in the future when I’ll allow myself to eat in a controlled way. 

Three months later I answered that question by saying that when cravings come now they still roar but not as loudly.  I don’t cater to them anymore. 

Last night I said that my cravings now are words that logically present their case and make a lot of sense.  Their job is to make me eat what I don’t need to eat or at a time I don’t need to eat. 

In the past year my cravings have gone from (almost all-) powerful to weakened but persuading, or at least trying to persuade. 

I just got a slow dictator whom I don’t do very often so I don’t know if I should speed her up or not.  She’s been talking for about a minute just stating her name, the patient’s name, and the doctor she’s dictating for.  My thought was that I need to get a smoothie or some veggie soup to drink before I tackle this.  NOOOOO!!!  That’s wrong!!!  I already had some of each and I’ll have some more soon.  I don’t need food to deal with difficult situations. 

Finished that dictator.  I sped her up twice and will do it again the next time I get her.  I now have a smoothie at my desk but I did that dictation that I thought I couldn’t do without any!  Thank You, God!

I found this picture on Pinterest.  It doesn’t need me to comment on it. 

Day 11 - Wednesday

Down 1.2 pounds from yesterday, 12.2 from the beginning, and 88.2 from my highest weight. 

I’m really tired of this pureed veggie soup.  I’m almost tired of fruit smoothies.  I’m ready to chew again.  One more week of liquids and then I can. 

Putting strawberries picked by my own hands into my smoothies helps!  J  I try to make them a little different each time and haven’t had strawberries in the last couple ones. 

Another outfit for the give-away pile. :-) and :-( It was one of my favorites and used to look really good on me, but size 20 jeans and size 1X tops just don't anymore! Thank You, God!  I was able to put the jeans on and take them off without unbuttoning or unzipping them and there’s no elastic!

Day 10 - Tuesday

Down 0.8 pounds from yesterday and 11 pounds from the beginning. 

I’m halfway done!  At first I felt torn being happy about that.   I thought I shouldn’t be happy to have this time end.  Eating is the way God provided for us to sustain life, though.  It’s meant to be the normal way.  I was just going too far in that direction and needed a course correction.  My course is being corrected and I’m looking forward to getting back to eating in a regular way without letting my taste buds overtake me. 

I walked only 1 mile today, but that’s all I attempted and it was on purpose.  I did 2 last week and was sorry later.  I feel fine now. 

From A Hunger for God by John Piper:

“…fasting is an expression of humility – that is, our sense of desperate, utter dependence on God for what we need.”

Day 9 - Monday

Down 0.2 pounds from yesterday and 10.2 pounds from the beginning. 

I sometimes miss running.  Now (Tuesday morning) I want to get back to it. 

I’ve known for several days that my first meal after the fast will be BBQ.  I want meat.  Smoked meat.  With a little sauce.  I’m not too concerned about the sides.  I just want meat. 

8:45 a.m.  Hungry now but have enacted 1-hour rule.

I miss eating.  I miss chewing. 

Glad to have Dee joining me!  My friend Dee started this same fast today.  Follow her blog at http://dee-lightfullmoments.blogspot.com/

Quotes from A Hunger for God  by John Piper

“…we are less sensitive to spiritual appetites when we are in the bondage of physical ones.” 

“I want the manifestation of You Yourself more than I want food.”